Perfect rivalry, p.14
Perfect Rivalry, page 14
“What’s your favorite thing to do in bed?” Ren asked.
“Um, you know, it depends.”
“On what?”
“On what it is whoever I’m with is into.”
“Hmm. That’s only half the equation, then.”
Dani laughed. “I’m not sure you can explain good sex with mathematical theorems.”
“I’m unaware of anyone having tried.” She’d have to consider that some other time.
Ren scooted down a little bit, and Dani automatically parted her legs. Ren relaxed between them, her middle snuggled into the delta of Dani’s thighs. Dani caught her breath and lifted her hips, pressing her center closer against Ren’s body. Her heat spread out over Ren’s skin, setting off a ripple of sensation though her core.
“I totally see why you thought of the other person first,” Ren said. “You’re a very perceptive—and I guess the word would be generous—lover. After all, you made me come about 60,000 times.”
“Sixty-one,” Dani murmured.
“Okay, maybe that many. But what do you like? When you think about being touched, what do you imagine? That’s what I want to know.”
“Um, well…” Dani hesitated. The night with Ren had been filled with a lot of firsts—starting way back before they even got into bed. But this was something new she hadn’t expected. Talking about what she wanted. She didn’t always top in bed, but she did a lot, mostly because she got so much pleasure from pleasuring her partner, and maybe because somewhere in the back of her mind, she knew she hadn’t more to give. A conversation like this one just never came up when she’d always been careful to be sure that casual was understood. But, once again, this was Ren—a brand-new game. New rules. Exciting, and scary.
“I promise if it sounds like something I really don’t want to do, I’ll tell you,” Ren said, “but I can’t right offhand think of what that might be.”
“How do you feel about oral sex?” Dani said softly.
“Oh, I think I feel fine about it. Tell me if I get it wrong.”
Anticipating, exhilarated, Ren slid down a little farther and rested her cheek against Dani’s thigh. She stroked her softly, tracing the soft, warm contours of her sex, slipping her fingertips over satin-smooth ridges and valleys.
Dani drew a hissing breath. “You have great hands.”
“I’ll take that as a compliment.”
As she stroked her a little faster, Dani’s thighs tightened. “Big compliment.”
Smiling, Ren parted her gently and kissed her.
“Hell,” Dani groaned.
She had intended to go slowly, to tease her, to tease herself. To savor every incredible unique sensation, but the yearning that flooded her at the first touch destroyed every plan she’d carefully formulated. Driven by desire, she let the surging hunger carry her beyond thought. She explored, tracing and tasting to satisfy her need, speeding up and slowing down with the rise and flow of Dani’s breath. When Dani’s hand cradled her head, pulling her tight against her, Ren hurried her strokes to meet Dani’s urgent thrusts. Without thinking, she slipped her fingers into Dani’s heat, and when Dani broke, clenching around her, the satisfaction was sweeter than anything she’d ever experienced. Now she understood how vast the pleasure that came from pleasing.
Ren closed her eyes and let out a long sigh of contentment. “That could possibly become one of my favorite things to do.”
“No complaints here,” Dani muttered, her voice slurred with satiation.
Ren finally lay beside her and wrapped an arm around Dani’s middle. “It’s almost morning. I’ll have to get up soon.”
“Me too.” Dani rested her forehead against Ren’s. “But I really don’t want to.”
“I don’t know what to say after a night like this.”
“You don’t have to say anything,” Dani said.
“I feel like I do. You were awesome.”
Dani laughed. “Okay, I’ll take that.” She kissed Ren. “I happen to think you’re awesome too.”
“Even awesome doesn’t quite cover it,” Ren said, “but I’m just going to say that I really liked being with you last night. And the sex was great.”
The predawn light lit Dani’s face, and Ren could see her grin. “Okay, that works. Me too.”
Ren kissed her, relieved that they seemed to understand each other. She could have said many things, but none would have really relayed how amazing the experience had been. She wasn’t ready, literally didn’t have time, to think beyond that. She had patients to see, surgeries to prepare for, a paper to finish. Those were her priorities. She sat up quickly. “I’m going to go shower and get to the hospital. Will you be going in now too?”
“I should probably head home for a change of clothes.”
“Okay. I’ll see you then.”
“Ren,” Dani said as Ren climbed out of bed.
Ren turned back. “Yes?”
“The other thing, sometimes, after a night like the one we had. One of us says, I’d like to see you again.”
Ren paused. “I imagined that was so. I would have said it, if I knew I would have time.”
“I get that.” Dani swung her legs over the side of the bed and stood. She was beautiful, unselfconsciously naked. “So I’ll say, you should call me, when you can.”
“All right. I will.” She didn’t add, if I can.
Dani already knew.
* * *
Dani met Zoey walking up the front steps.
“Oh, hello,” Zoey said. “Just getting in from your hot date?”
“Yup,” Dani said. “Just getting home from yours?”
Zoey grinned. “Yep.”
They walked in together, and Zoey said, “Dibs on the shower.”
Dani edged around her and hurtled up the stairs two at a time. “Too late.”
“Make it fast. I’ll put the coffee on.”
Dani stripped while the hot water actually got hot and stepped under the blessedly strong spray. Eyes closed, she tilted her head back and let the hot needles wake her up. Nothing was going to banish the surreal afterglow of the night before, though. The whole night had been unreal—the anxious craving throughout dinner—so unlike her usual familiar sexual urges, the surprise of Ren taking charge when they’d reached her house and how much she’d liked it, the seamless way they’d fit physically, and the unspoken compatibility of their wants. Ren was completely without pretense in bed—she embraced her pleasure with the same ease as she drew breath. Dani would have been content to spend all night making her come. Just thinking about it now made her hot all over again.
Zoey banged on the door. “Time’s up.”
Dani started. Time’s up.
Man, she hoped not.
“Leave the water running!” Zoey, naked except for a towel wrapped around her, hurried in the second Dani opened the door and jumped into the shower.
After she dressed, Dani went downstairs to make toast for both of them.
Zoey arrived five minutes later, her hair in damp strands that would somehow look great when it dried, and plopped down at the kitchen table. “So?”
“No details,” Dani said.
“Well, obviously there was sex. You couldn’t have been doing anything else all night.”
“No details.”
“There wasn’t?”
Dani slid her two pieces of toast, the last she’d found in the cupboard, across to Zoey along with the Skippy. “Someone needs to go shopping.”
“Dani, there’s only two of us here.”
“I’ll flip you for it.”
“I’ll go this time,” Zoey said with exaggerated patience, “and then it’s your turn. And you have to get more than Cap’n Crunch.”
“There’s more?” Dani pulled out the last box of cereal and shook it. From the sounds of it, not even a full bowl remained. With a sigh, she sat down at the table. “We’re sad.”
“I’m not sad,” Zoey said with a twitch of an eyebrow. “I’m sorry if you’re sad.”
“That’s not what I meant.”
Zoey pointed with her peanut butter smeared knife. “There was sex.”
“Zoey,” Dani said with a plaintive sigh, “we had a great night together, okay? That’s it. No more details.”
“All right.” Zoey took a bite of toast. “But do you like her?”
“Sure I like her. I wouldn’t have—”
“Yes, you would have.”
“Hey!”
“I mean,” Zoey went on, “you don’t sleep with people you don’t like. But you don’t like like all of them, do you?”
“No. Not that way.”
“But you do like Ren that way.”
“I like her. That’s it. Come on, Zoey, we’ve only known each other a while, and you know, we’re residents. You know how it is.”
“Um—me and Dec, remember? Anyhow, it’s interesting that you bring it up.”
“Why?”
“Because I don’t think you’ve ever even thought about it when you, you know, had a night with someone else. You had a night—as I recall, some of them seemed rather…satisfying…” She smirked. “But then it was over, then or maybe the next time. But it wasn’t anything you gave any thought to. It sounds like you’ve given thought to this.”
“Well, Ren’s different. It wasn’t a casual thing. I mean it was, but not…never mind.”
Zoey leaned back, her expression softening. “Maybe you’d like it to be more?”
Dani pushed the Cap’n Crunch box away. “I don’t know. Sometimes I think yes. But I don’t know.”
“When’s the last time you had a serious girlfriend?”
“College.”
“Long time ago. How come, do you think?”
“I had other things to think about, getting into med school for one. Dealing with my parents, and—never mind. Let’s just say I didn’t have the mental or emotional energy for anything personal.”
“I get it. But sometimes you need more than what we get from what we do.”
“Maybe some people do,” Dani said, tossing the cereal box in the trash. “I’m not sure Ren is one of them.”
Chapter Thirteen
PMC Hospital, 5:30 a.m. on a weekday in August
Ren had to hurry to finish her pre-rounds check on in-house patients for the first time since she’d taken over the service. She hadn’t left home in quite enough time, and now she’d have to skip her usual walk through in the emergency room. She always did that around five a.m. and often found a patient from the night shift still waiting on a consult or one who had just been signed in who might need a surgery eval—these were the patients who often ended up sitting around a little bit longer than usual because everything slowed down as shift change approached. She didn’t always get a surgery case out of it, but the patients got taken care of sooner, and the ER docs took notice. Sooner or later, they’d count on her coming around. Or better yet, call her. She couldn’t make it today. Her disappointment at falling short of her goals sat heavily in her chest. All because her schedule was off.
And it wasn’t just her schedule that was off.
She was off, or at least, she wasn’t performing up to her standards. Ordinarily, the only thing on her mind was the task in front of her. Her focus, always narrow and intense, allowed her to be efficient and successful. She never made to-do lists—she just always woke with a plan already formed. The execution was a foregone conclusion. She recognized this about herself, took it for granted.
This morning she struggled to find that effortless focus.
Her body felt foreign. She rarely paid much attention to her physical state—good or bad. If she was aware of being ill, she’d take the proper medication. She wasn’t often tired, but she did intentionally sleep enough to prevent being impaired at the hospital. Beyond that, her sense of self was rooted in her mind. Except not this morning, and she knew why. Those hours with Dani had definitely felt good, and that wasn’t even the word for it. She’d meant it when she’d said the sex had been awesome and amazing and a dozen other accolades. The aftereffects lingered in her awareness, mentally and physically. And something else had changed. She was aware of having a body, almost as if new sensory channels had been awakened. She wasn’t entirely certain she liked it. The tingling in her extremities and the swirling agitation in her stomach were disruptive and disconcerting. And even more confusing, irrationally pleasant.
One thing was certain. She definitely could do without all the nervous tension. This was no time for her to suddenly be bombarded with new sensations and odd urges. She had less than a year to bring everything she’d ever worked for to a successful conclusion. And to do that, she needed to be her old self. The one she recognized.
Making a final note on the last ICU patient, she hurried toward the cafeteria with a renewed sense of purpose. As if awakening with an answer to a question that had plagued her while she slept, she understood what she needed to do. Despite the unexpected wave of sadness, she sighed with relief. Like so many times in her life, she only needed to will herself to do what must be done. She collected her coffee and a plain bagel with butter and joined her team at their usual table.
“How was your night?” Ren asked as she sat beside the third year resident, who had been on call the night before.
“Okay. No problems.” Jezeria, the third year, looked exhausted and very glad to see everyone. Typical after a night of fielding calls from the floors and ER and often needing to make decisions with no safety net if they were wrong. Just a usual night on call.
“Good.” Ren already knew Jez hadn’t missed anything of importance—she’d made rounds herself. And that’s why she did it. So she could be sure the residents were doing all right without them knowing she was looking over their shoulders.
Once each of the residents had finished reporting on their assigned patients, Ren brought up the list of surgeries for the day. She assigned cases to the junior residents who would assist the attendings, and finished with Zoey.
“Your choice,” Ren said. “The fem-fem bypass at eight or the muscle flap to follow.”
“I’ll take the vascular case,” Zoey said. “Every anastomosis counts double on the transplant log too.”
“That’s where you’re headed, after you finish, right?” Ren said.
“Yep.”
Ren nodded. “All right. I’ll walk up with you and see how the board looks.”
Ren wasn’t due to scrub until the second case and was about to leave after checking the surgery board for any interesting cases she might have missed when Patty, the OR supervisor, came to the door of the control room.
“Ren, got a minute?” Patty said.
“Of course,” Ren answered. “What can I do for you?”
“It looks like room ten is going to be delayed. The patient needs more labs before anesthesia will clear them. Can you see if we can move the muscle flap up there?”
“Absolutely,” Ren said. “I’ll call Dr. Silverstein right now and let her know that we can start early. She doesn’t have office hours, so I think she’ll be free.”
“Great, can you let me know ASAP?”
“Definitely.”
Fortunately, Dr. Silverstein was one of the attendings who actually answered her pages promptly, and within ten minutes, Ren had organized the first year resident to get Silverstein’s patient ready to come to the OR early and let Patty know they could go ahead.
“Perfect,” Patty said. “Thanks.”
“I’ll be in the lounge,” Ren said.
When she walked in, the OR lounge was mostly empty. The morning cases had already started, and everyone—surgeons, nurses, techs, anesthetists, residents, and students—was in their assigned rooms. Everyone except Dani.
Ren hesitated for just a second before she entered and sat down. She had to be there, and avoiding Dani wasn’t possible—even if she’d wanted to. Which she didn’t, not entirely.
“Hi,” Ren said.
Dani sat in her usual place in the corner of that terribly unattractive mustard-colored sofa, her feet up on the coffee table. Today she had an open journal propped on her thigh. She smiled at Ren. “Hi.”
Ren had no idea what to say next. She hadn’t expected to see Dani again so soon and hadn’t had time to consider what that might be like. The night with Dani was new on so many levels, and she hadn’t formulated a follow-up plan. She was without reference points and not certain where to find them. She hadn’t expected their next meeting to be awkward, but it felt that way. As if Dani was almost a stranger, when she was anything but. And then there were those troublesome butterflies again. She’d seen Dani sitting in that exact position a dozen times before, but today everything about her stood out in sharp detail—as if someone had turned the lens on the microscope and brought a familiar but vaguely out-of-focus image into sharp relief. The tattoo on Danny’s shoulder peeked out a little bit at the neck of her scrub shirt. Ren couldn’t stop seeing it the way she had the night before, when Dani had pulled her shirt off. The memory of how Dani looked without any clothes on at all had the butterflies twisting themselves into gigantic knots that pulled tight across the base of her belly. Her fingers twitched at the sleek glide of skin beneath her hands.
“Waiting for a case?” Dani said.
Ren jumped. She’d drifted somewhere. Back to the night before, back to the swirling sensations, into the whirlwind of pleasure that teetered on the edge of pain until it spread like a starburst through every fiber of her being.
“Yes,” she said and couldn’t think of a follow-up. Dani was watching her, that intense look in her eyes and faintly amused expression that said she knew what Ren was thinking.
But she couldn’t, could she? Last night wasn’t new to Dani—she couldn’t be as displaced, as off-balance as Ren right now.
“I didn’t mean to disturb your reading.” Ren hurried to a vacant chair across the room from the sofa. The springs—what remained of them—made an odd grinding sound as she sank into the seat.
