Gracefully grayson, p.10
Gracefully Grayson, page 10
Paige stops flapping her wings for a second and reaches over to grab my hand. I start to walk next to her. I close my eyes and try to imagine the long skirt with the amber beads swaying.
“Very nice,” I hear Finn saying as we move around the stage. Paige flies off, and I keep walking. I keep imagining my skirt.
“Freeze!” Finn finally calls out, and everyone does. “Who’s sharing today?”
“Oo oo, ah ah,” Tommy grunts loudly, his knuckles still on the floor. He starts hopping up and down, and when Finn calls on him, he tells us that he’s Tom the Gorilla and that he’s super-crazed because he just escaped from the San Diego Zoo. And that his knuckles are definitely injured, and will someone please take him to the vet? I smile and clap with everyone else as Tommy stands up, shaking out his hands.
“Ouch,” he says, and we all laugh.
“Great job,” Finn says over our laughter. “I wish we had more time for warm-ups, but we have to get down to business. We’ll walk the stage again next time.” He walks over to the table.
“I’m going to pass out your scripts.” We gather around him as he opens a cardboard box. “Don’t lose these, please,” he says, lifting a stack of red scripts out. “I don’t have extras.” The gold inscriptions twinkle in the overhead lights, and I hold mine carefully when Paige passes it to me.
“There are folding chairs stacked behind the curtain,” Finn tells us. “Once you’ve gotten your script, go ahead and grab one. Carefully. I don’t need an avalanche here. We’re going to make a circle on the stage and start the read-through.”
One by one, we inch our way behind the curtain and pull our chairs onto the stage. I stick by Paige’s side, and she doesn’t seem to mind. She unfolds her chair and scoots it over so I can fit in next to her. Reid pushes his chair in on the other side of me and bounces his knee up and down as he flips through his script.
“Okay,” Finn says, once we’re settled. “Let’s start. As I said, we’re going to discuss as we read.” He hops up onto the table again. “Page one!”
I open my script. The spine is stiff, and the paper smells new and fresh. Tommy starts reading the prologue. “‘A long time ago, in a country far away, stood Mount Olympus, the home of the Greek gods,’” he begins. “‘The gods were beautiful and good, and they were not alone. Horrible creatures lived among them. These beasts existed so gods and mortal heroes could go to war with them—so goodness and light could struggle to win.’
“‘In the fields of Mount Olympus lived Persephone. She was a lovely, young girl….’”
I smile to myself as he continues, but I barely pay attention to his words anymore. She was a lovely, young girl. The line races through me over and over again, like electricity. A lovely, young girl.
I look around at the cast as Tommy reads. Everyone is following along, even Finn. Meagan, Hannah, and Hailey are across from me, concentrating on their scripts. Hannah is playing absentmindedly with her long ponytail. Meagan scratches her nose. I can’t believe I’m actually here. I can’t believe I’m Persephone.
When Tommy finishes, Finn asks him why Hermes would want to share this story with an audience. I flip through my script as they talk. I scan my name, Persephone, on practically every page. You are the lead, I tell myself, smiling. I have no idea how I’m going to memorize it all.
“Grayson?” Finn calls. I look up from my script. “Earth to Grayson.” He smiles. “Your line.”
“Page three,” Paige whispers to me, tucking her script under her thigh and reaching her hands over to help me flip back to the right page. I look up at her soft, eager face, and then over to Finn. He’s still smiling, waiting patiently.
I read my monologue and, when I’m done, I look up in a daze. I glance around the auditorium. The door to the hallway is propped open now, and Dr. Shiner is leaning against the door frame. He looks like he’s staring right through me, and I wonder how long he’s been standing there. I look down at my fingernails quickly as Tommy reads Hermes’s response to my monologue. “‘Persephone had no idea what fate awaited her,’” Tommy concludes.
When I look back up, Dr. Shiner is gone.
I’M HEADING TO another rehearsal, trying to make the past few days stop swirling in my head. I’m almost to the auditorium doors when I hear a voice calling my name. The hall is crowded, but right away I see Ryan and Sebastian approaching me in their identical black winter jackets.
“Hey there, Gracie,” Ryan says. “You on your way to play practice?” I can’t move and I glance at Sebastian, but he’s looking down. “Well, I hope they have lots of pretty dresses for you to wear, freak,” he says. He shoves his elbow into my side as they walk past me. I stumble a little, my eyes suddenly on fire as I turn to watch their backs disappear around the corner. I take a deep breath and try to picture myself on stage between Paige and Reid instead of here, in the hallway, my side burning. Ignore him, I tell myself, and I walk to the auditorium. Always ignore him.
It started the other day after Humanities. When the bell rang and I got up to leave, I saw him staring at me. Finn was across the room, digging through a cabinet. I headed for the door, but Ryan got up and stepped in front of me. I walked around him, tucking my long bangs behind my ears. “You letting your hair grow out, Gracie?” he asked, watching me go.
The next day, he and Sebastian appeared silently at my desk before Finn came in. Ryan had a fake-sweet look on his face. I looked away and watched the door. Where was Finn? “I’m not trying to be rude, Grayson,” Ryan said, even though I wouldn’t look at him. “We’re just wondering—I mean, everyone’s wondering—why are you playing a girl? Are you gay or something?” The room shook, like the first rumblings of an earthquake. I looked at Sebastian. I don’t know why. Maybe to see if he felt it, too, but he was looking out the window. A minute later, Finn walked in and shooed everyone to their seats.
I push open the doors to the auditorium. Hard, to shake these memories out of my head. Today is practice for leads only, and Tommy, Reid, Audrey, and Natalie are sitting together on the ledge of the stage, talking to Finn. They wave to me as I walk toward them. “Hey, Grayson!” they all call out together. Then they look at each other, surprised to hear their voices in unison, and collapse practically on top of one another, laughing.
I feel my body relaxing as I join them. Paige isn’t here yet, so I sit down next to Reid, who’s still hysterical. The auditorium doors bang open. Paige and Meagan walk in together and toss their backpacks onto the wooden seats. Finn looks at his watch. “We’ll give it a few more minutes. We’re just waiting for Andrew, right?”
“He’s coming,” Paige says. “I saw him at his locker. He was totally freaking out because he couldn’t find his English binder. Have you ever seen his locker?” she asks us. I smile at her when her eyes meet mine. “It’s beyond disgusting. I think he has old lunches in there from, like, September.” She climbs the stage steps and sits down right next to me. Meagan follows her. I glance at the other empty spaces where she could have sat instead, and I smile.
“Hey,” I say to her.
“Hey, yourself,” she replies. “So, Finn?” she asks, suddenly turning to him. “Have you been to the Shakespeare Theater?”
“Of course! I was just there last week,” he answers. “Why do you ask?”
“My dad got us tickets to Romeo and Juliet,” she says. “Is that what you saw?”
“It was,” he answers. “Opening night.”
“Did you like it? I’ve heard it’s amazing.”
“It was amazing,” Finn answers. “We’ll discuss it, but after you see it. I can’t wait to hear what you think!”
“Cool,” Paige says.
I watch them talking. Reid is on one side of me, and Paige is on the other. They’re like bookends, and I concentrate on the feel of their arms on either side of me as we wait for Andrew.
When he finally slams through the door, apologizing, we take our places for Act One. Tommy has his entire monologue memorized, and, when it’s time for me and Paige to go onstage, she leaves her script on top of her backpack in the chair next to Finn. I wonder again how I’m going to memorize everything. “Ready?” I ask Finn from the stage, my script in hand.
“Whenever you guys are,” he calls up to us.
I turn to the right page. “‘Mother,’” I call, and it feels so weird to say it out loud. I try to not smile and to stay in character, like Finn told us to. Paige is pulling pretend weeds in the corner of the stage. “‘I’m going to the stream,’” I tell her.
“‘Be careful, Persephone,’” she says.
“‘Yes, Mother.’” I look down at my script. It’s her line, but she’s looking at me expectantly. “What time will you be back?” I whisper to her.
My line? she mouths, surprised. I nod, and she almost starts laughing.
“‘What time will you be back?’”
“‘Before dark,’” I read. The stage is quiet. “Persephone, I’d like you to bring some of the Elves along,” I whisper. I burst out laughing. I can’t help it. Obviously, she doesn’t have her part memorized as well as she thinks. I take a deep breath and try to compose myself.
“‘Persephone, I’d like you to bring some of the Elves along,’” Paige repeats. Suddenly, a red script sails through the air, like a Frisbee, and lands at Paige’s feet. We both look out at the auditorium, hysterical now. Finn waves at us from the front row of seats.
“Maybe we’ll take our snack break early today?” he asks. I can’t stop laughing as I dig my brown paper bag out of my backpack.
At home, I eat dinner quickly. I want to get to my room so I can finish my math homework and memorize lines. I don’t have too many problems left—I’ve been getting so much done in the library at lunchtime. “You’re on a mission,” Mrs. Millen said to me earlier today as she sat at her desk with her steaming lunch and Diet Coke and watched me fly through my assignments. It’s true. I want to be able to focus on memorizing lines once I’m home. “Getting into Persephone’s skin,” as Finn puts it, is the best part of my day.
And anyway, I don’t want to be around Aunt Sally. I look up from my food. She’s watching me eat, and I look out the window at the black sky. I heard what she said. She thinks I’m a monster.
“So, Grayson,” Jack says, as he shoves rice into his mouth, “do you know what Tyler asked me in gym today?” I freeze. Jack’s new best friend, Tyler, is Ryan’s older brother.
“No,” I mumble.
“He asked me if being gay is genetic.”
I accidentally drop my fork onto my plate.
“Jack! We’re not getting into this with you again,” Uncle Evan warns.
“Whatever,” Jack mumbles. “Of course you’re not. It’s all about what Grayson wants. That’s how it’s always been. You don’t even care about me.” I can’t believe he could possibly think that.
“Don’t be ridiculous,” Aunt Sally says quickly.
“Why don’t you just try ignoring Tyler?” Brett asks. “At school, Mr. Smith always says if you have a conflict with someone, you can try ignoring them.”
“Shut up, Brett,” Jack says.
“Why? Anyway, I still don’t get it. I mean, it’s just a play.”
I can’t listen anymore. “I’m finished,” I say as I get up from the table. “I have to work on my lines.”
In my room, I sit on my bed under Mom’s painting with my script in my lap. I’ve got to get this memorized by rehearsal tomorrow, but it’s hard to concentrate. Jack’s words echo in my ears. I can’t believe how stupid he is.
There’s a gentle knock on the door, and Uncle Evan comes in. He sits at my desk. “So,” he says softly, “you have a lot to do?”
“Yeah,” I tell him. “Everyone’s starting to get their lines memorized but me.”
“You know,” he says, “when I was in law school, I had to figure out how to remember thousands of pages of information.”
“You did?”
“Sure. It was pretty intense. What I would do is try to visualize the pages in my mind, you know? Like, I’d read a section of information, and then close my eyes and try to actually see some of the key words. It really helped.” He pauses. “You want to try that? I could help you—you know, read along to see if you’re getting it?”
I look at him. Dad looks so young in the pictures that we have of him, and I wonder: if he were alive, would he and Uncle Evan still look alike? Would his hair be turning gray above the ears, too? Would he push his glasses up with his knuckle when they slipped down on his nose? I hear dishes clanging in the kitchen, and the TV is on now. Uncle Evan gets up and quietly closes my door all the way.
“Sure,” I tell him, and hand him my script.
“So, Act One, huh?” he asks, scanning the words.
“Yeah.”
“Great. Whenever you’re ready, Grayson.”
“Uncle Evan?”
“Yes, son?” he asks, without looking up.
The words are like a slap, but I try to ignore the feeling. “Thanks,” I say.
“My pleasure.” He looks up and smiles at me. “Your line.”
THE AUDITORIUM IS CHAOTIC. I’d forgotten that the whole cast, including all the Elves and Souls of the Underworld, would be at rehearsal today. Reid, Andrew, and Tommy are on the stage with a couple other boys. They’re talking, and then laughing too loudly at something one of them is saying.
The girls are in the front rows of auditorium seats. Paige is already there, and, of course, she’s in the middle of the group. Hailey, Hannah, and a bunch of the Elves are gathered around her. Natalie and Audrey walk in together. They say hi to me on their way to the front of the auditorium. A few more people hurry past, but I hang back.
Finally, Meagan walks in. “You coming, Grayson?” she asks. I glance at the boys onstage again, their movements quick and their voices booming.
“Yeah, I’m coming,” I say, and I follow her to the wooden seats.
I keep my eyes fixed on Paige, who smiles when she sees me. “Hey, Grayson!” she calls. Everyone looks up at me, and I let my eyes scan their faces for a second. “Come sit with me,” she says, moving her jacket and backpack off of the seat next to her. I wonder if she saved it for me.
I scoot past Sofia, one of the Elves. Hannah is leaning over her, holding a tiny pink clip between her lips and making a thin braid down the side of her head. Her fingers move quickly, like they know what they’re doing, and when she’s done she clasps the braid at the bottom.
“’Kay,” Hannah says, “who’s next?” I notice that she has a pack of tiny clips resting on top of her pink backpack. They’re arranged in the package like a rainbow—pink, peach, yellow, light green, light blue, and lavender, the colors lined up in neat plastic rows.
“Me!” says Meagan from the row in front of her.
“Color?” asks Hannah. I watch them talk. Their voices crisscross easily, back and forth, and the rhythm of their words reminds me of “Miss Mary Mack, Mack, Mack” and “Bo Bo Ski Watten Totten” and all the years of recesses I spent sitting on the cement step outside with a book in my hands, pretending to read, but really watching the girls. Wishing.
“Um, do two next to each other. Blue and purple.”
“Lean over,” Hannah says, and Meagan does.
I watch Hannah’s hands fly until two perfect, long, black braids appear on the side of Meagan’s head. I reach up, run my fingers through my longish hair, and I look over at Paige. She’s glancing at her watch. “It’s already almost three twenty-five. Where’s Finn?” she asks, to nobody in particular. He’s come in late almost every day.
“Here he is,” someone says, and I look up to see him jogging down the auditorium aisle.
“Afternoon, ladies,” he says, nodding in our direction, and I glance at the other girls quickly. I doubt he noticed me huddled in the middle of the group, but Sofia giggles.
“Shh,” Paige says.
“Gentlemen,” Finn nods to the boys on the stage. “Sorry I’m late. I’d like everyone to join the boys up here,” he continues. “I need you all to grab a mat from this pile and find your own space on the stage. We’re doing something new for warm-up.” He points to a stack of yoga mats that someone must have brought in from the gym. The mob of girls surrounding me starts to move, and I’m part of the clump. We walk together onto the stage. “It’s going to be kind of tight with all of you here. Spread out as much as you can! Lie down on a mat on your back,” Finn calls up to us. “We’re doing a relaxation exercise!”
I unroll a mat and smile to myself when Paige puts hers right next to mine. She lies down and closes her eyes. I lie next to her. Above me, the ceiling looks like it’s about a million miles away. The stage lights are bright, so I close my eyes, too. The mat smells gross, and I hear people walking and talking above me. When the stage finally starts to quiet down, I look to my right and see that Andrew is next to me now, too.
“I could fall asleep,” he whispers.
“Definitely.” I smile.
“Okay,” Finn finally says quietly from somewhere on the stage. “Today we’re going to start building some relaxation exercises into our rehearsal routine. Many actors use relaxation and visualization techniques to help them settle into their characters. We’re going to start by relaxing each muscle group in our bodies, one by one. We’ll begin with our toes and work our way up to our necks.”
I listen to Finn’s voice. He tells us to tighten our muscles, and then feel them relax. By the time he has gotten to our necks, the room is completely silent.
He’s practically whispering to us now. “Now that you’re relaxed, we’re going to begin our visualization exercises. Keep your eyes closed. Picture yourself on stage rehearsing. You are no longer yourself—you are your character.” He pauses, and then continues, even slower. “How do you want to see yourself?” he asks us. “Look down and imagine your body, your clothes. What do you see?” He pauses. The quiet is long and still. “What, as a character, do you need to learn, and what do you already know? Think about this. Make a mental list.” He waits, the silence hanging over the stage, heavy now. I can practically feel it seeping into the open spaces around me. “What are you afraid of?” Another long pause. “And, finally, what do you wish for?”
